It looks like you spent some quality time writing the script and trying to get the Hitchcock tone right. I think it would have been better if it was staged at night with hard rain coming down the windows. The detective shows up soaking wet and the lighting could have really helped. Shooting during the day with full daylight took away a lot of the tone that could have been achieved. You still got a nice bit of suspense going on there though. Good Job!

Great effort. You had a lot of things going for you. Though I think your script could have used a little more development it was strong and going in the right direction. You handled the violence just how Hitchcock would have and I was happy to see that. The one element that really took the audience out of it was the acting. Rehearsing on set with your actors can really improve this. Your antagonist always had a smile on his face and was consistently out of character. Your team has talent.

Take that cash and run! I like the flashback shots of the robbery. The sound on from the phone call was good, it was lower in volume and tone from normal talking to indicate it was coming from the phone. Good job. I hope the cell phone survived the fall.

I love the idea of telling story over black. A great way to tell more story when you're limited on production time. Though be careful in rushing your plot because of being short of screen time. Him coming to the door and apologizing that he's out of breath pushed the plot too fast. She wasn't questioning or suspicious yet. Let that suspicion grow over the whole show until the drawing is revealed. Then your audience will be in the story right there with your characters and that's what you want.

You have a really nice effort. One of the things that you could do to make it better and really work is casting the roles with the right age. Casting adults in your piece would have made a big difference. Having the flashback of the dad being an older man would have really helped. Having an older detective...more believable. Details like that make a huge difference. I know it's not easy to access adults so that's something you have to strongly consider when you're coming up with the ideas.